Monday, February 21, 2011

Journal #1 (Flashback)

Mary sits at the other end of the booth, looking out at her two children playing with the basketballs. George, on the other hand, sits staring at Mary, wondering what could get him back to the love they shared years ago. Before the thought of divorce, they loved wholeheartedly. His vision began to fade as he remembers a picnic they once had.
George told Mary to meet him out by Stuyvesant Park. It was around spring, so the weather was just right, they walked in the direction of pastel colors and mini waterfall-like fountains holding hands. George's throat tightened as he rolled and jumped with her in the grass. How can I do this with her in this condition? She's the mother of my kids. I want to marry her, but her addition is not going to end. And what if she cheats again? He remembered thinking. The day passed until the sky was full of a mixture of pink and the brightest orange. Florals were scented through the air and he thought "perfect timing". At that moment, he proposed.
Now, that has easily been the most painful mistake and joyous accomplishment of his life. He blinks and notices Mary suddenly looking back at him in a room filled of children and music.

1 comment:

  1. This is a great use of flashback, but I want you to break the habit of giving a lead-in line.
    Refrain from "His vision began to fade...."etc.
    Instead, switch to the past perfect tense.
    George had told Mary...
    That's all you need to do to switch the reader back into the past.
    18/20

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